Continue reading »]]> New to the trolling game? Bored? No matter how many times we warn everyone “Do not feed the trolls”, the following groups never listen.

7. Religious Folk

First up on our list of low-lying fruit of trolling targets, we have the religious enthusiasts. I am not speaking of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, et cetera specifically. I am talking about ALL religions. Simply, take the opposing view of the target’s faith and watch heads explode as they try to defend their perspective.

6. Non-Religious Folk

Now, atheists, before you all start giggling like little Catholic schoolgirls, let me note here that you all are just as bad as your religious opposites. Don’t believe me? All I have to say is something like “the universe is only 10,000 years old” or “evolution is just a theory” and you start popping off at the mouth or keyboard about science science science for the next few hours. Science is your religion, which makes you just as easy of a target.

5. Drama Queens

This category can be tied in to “Vaguebookers” further down the list, but Drama Queens are a much broader scale that encompasses more than just Facebook. Drama Queens, by the way, may include men as well, so don’t let the title fool you. The easiest way to troll a Queen is to commiserate with whatever social emergency there may be and help them further their unstable nature. The trick here though is to make them believe you feel their pain, and but to the rest of the viewers, your trolling efforts are transparent. Be careful not to actually get sucked into the drama. It’s hazardous to your health.

4. Political Bloggers

This group usually comes around approximately every two years, at least in the United States, but when they appear, they are relentless with their efforts in making everyone agree with their ideas. Solution? No matter what your political affiliation may be, always take the opposing side of the political blogger. Always bring up the other side of the coin. It must be done intelligently or you end up looking like a fool.

3. The Superstitious

Sports fans, psychic bookstore shoppers, you name it. The Superstitious ones allow themselves to be controlled by their unfounded beliefs. Con(troll) the the superstition to troll the superstitious. Do the sports fan and the people around them a favor and wash that lucky underwear. Drop some salt after handing them an open umbrella from under a ladder. Physical trolling is just as lulzy.

2. Vaguebookers

“I just don’t know… ”

“To go with this decision or not…”

“I can’t believe they would do that to me!!! ”

Do these quotes sound familiar? If you’re like most people, your facebook news feed is riddled with posts like this from your friends, acquaintances, and fake profiles you’ve accepted so people can spy on you.

It’s been termed “vaguebooking” and while it leaves most onlookers with a face that screams W. T. F.
it leaves the trolling door wide open. To troll this target, like their status and comment on how you completely agree and know how they feel. Elaborate on how this one time you were tying your shoe and some dog used you as a pissing post. After all, Vaguebookers are vague to leave you with the opportunity to show how much you care or to fill in the blanks. I prefer the latter.

1. Your Children

Now this one might make you think I’m an asshole, but before you bust out your own “children are the future speech”, hear me out. Don’t you remember when your parents told you that if you keep making that face, it would get stuck that way? Or that lightning was just God taking pictures, so you would smile out of the car window for several minutes? I couldn’t have been the only one. For this target, be creative not cruel, but they are a target nonetheless.

Continue reading »]]> Back spoofing (v.) : When a phreaker uses caller ID spoofing in an effort to uncover the name of the owner of a phone number.

Example: an unknown caller calls the phreaker with a number but no name. The phreaker would then spoof his own ID as the number that just called, and call a land line which is known to have Caller ID for both name and number (usually not available for cellphones). If the number is registered to a legitimate, listed owner, the name information for caller ID would show on the land line display.

Continue reading »]]> In a nutshell, there are two ways to get away with something on the social stage. Of course, the methods discussed are provided that all other variables are equal. So, if there is damning evidence, make for damned sure there won’t be.

Don’t Take Even A Morsel Of Credit

This should probably go without saying, but it can be very difficult to NOT brag about your exploits to anyone. It’s the same reason why criminals get caught when they revisit a crime scene. When you brag, the news always seems to spread until the day it reaches the ears of someone who is paid to care. In the end, you have only to blame yourself for the spread of gossip.

Take Credit For Everything, Even False Leads

On the complete opposite side, you can take credit for everything. In essence, you are attempting to send the people who have marked you as a Person Of Interest on many, many, many wild goose chases. Now, obviously this method is still a bit more risky than the first, but when you cry so much bullshit (even purposefully), people tend to ignore you entirely. This leaves room for more exploits without a watchful eye.

One Or The Other

Usually, I try not to deal with extremes, but in this case it has to be one or the other. Either keep your mouth shut, or make yourself so blatant that no one gives a sh*t.

Continue reading »]]> In ancient Chinese military history, the soldiers with the longest weapons were in the highest tier pay grade. In other words, archers were the highest paid, followed by spear men, bo staffs, and then swordsmen.

That is “officially”, but off the record, the highest paid personnel were the biggest asset of the military. Of course I mean the intelligence community, according to Sun Tzu.

Sun Tzu said, “…no business is more closely discussed than with spies. Therefore, no reward is more lucrative than those given to spies.”

This shouldn’t be too hard to understand. The personnel who brings you the information you utilize in battle should be rewarded as such. Furthermore, they can also sell that information to the highest bidder for the rewards they feel should have been granted. That highest bidder then becomes your new enemy and highest priority.

I believe that computer security professionals are the new personnel. I know I’m not the first to come to this conclusion.

Happy hacking

Continue reading »]]>

My First Tattoo

I told myself that if I ever got a tattoo, it would need to have a meaning that is unique and sums me up in a symbol. So, it’s time to break it down!!

The Penguin

We start with a penguin. Tux, the Linux penguin, to be exact. I have been working with computers longer than I have been practicing martial arts, and Tux is iconic as the mascot of Linux. As cute as the ladies may think he is, I see him as a badass hacker. However, aside from having a cult following, what about Tux would make him unique? This is where I used M$ Paint to add the “Shaolin” characters on his tummy to blend my love for martial arts, Zen, and hacking.

So, we have this image here:

Tux the Shaolinux Penguin

Before chenb0x, this image was just a concept. I take pride in making this little fella by fusing two major life influences.

The Rising Sun and Bonsai Tree

At first, I was just going to get the penguin done as indicated by my birthday wishlist. Then, one day, my girlfriend suggested that the penguin alone would be a weird and funny looking floating object that would need explaining.

So, what could I do for Tux and myself that still satisfied my number one rule of special meaning? My girlfriend and I were looking through tattoos on Google images while waiting for a pizza one evening and came across some sweet looking bonsai trees. Hey! Bonsai trees! I know what else has that! The logo of my martial arts school!

From this logo, I adopted the bonsai tree and the rising sun along with their meaning. The sun doesn’t symbolize just rising or just setting because when it is rising somewhere in the world it is also setting somewhere else. The Bonsai Tree represents growth. The brown trunk is death, while the green leaves are life. In a way, it’s an inadvertent Yin/Yang because you can’t have one concept without its contrast. Good/evil, life/death, etc. I’ve had many births and deaths in this life. Old opportunities making way for the new.

Supplementary Meaning

It is just an accidental awesomeness that Tux is sitting under the tree and smiling. It’s almost like a meditation for my war animal. Very rarely do people not see me smiling and there is a reason for that. The First Buddha said “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

The Details

After getting the basic concept down, I wanted creative leeway for the artist, Jerry Thomas, of Lucky Cat Tattoo. I was witness to his work before this piece and it’s nothing less than amazing. The clouds and the mountains in the background add a perfect touch of form and no form. You can check out more of his work here:

luckycattattoo

Comments, Feedback, Reactions

“It looks good on you, babe.” -Majesta Zea

“It’s soooo cute!!” -Lori R.

“It’s cute with a badass hint.” -Kris. T. Na.

“I’m gonna beat your ass.” -Mom (Thanks Mom!!)

Generally, everyone agrees that this symbol is all me!!

Continue reading »]]> I coined this phrase during DEFCON 20.

I was asking a hacker friend who I usually see once a year at the con how he was doing with the ladies. He told me things were going way better than last year. I congratulated him and asked him what he was doing differently.

At this point he showed me by going up to a girl and saying ”free hug?” with his arms outstretched. She promptly rejected and kept walking.

”Was that your method!?” I asked.
”Yeah. I just throw shit out there and see what sticks.”
”….so you’re fuzzing?”
” hm… Yeah I guess so.”
”girl fuzzing! I’m coining it! Patent pending!” I shouted.

Girl fuzzing: throwing random pickup techniques to a random sample of women to ”see what sticks”. This is much like fuzzing an application.

Apparently he has a 66% success rate. Fair enough.

Continue reading »]]> I see a lot of social networking posts from the ladies where they blame men for everything. While men are partly responsible, they are only partly responsible. It takes two to Tango and there are things women need to know about men. We are so simple it’s ridiculous. The problem comes from women adding women’s perspective to a guy’s way of thinking. I believe I can paraphrase that from Steve Harvey. The man is in fact a genius. I’m here to break it down for you, and while some may not agree with the information I am about to bestow upon my readers, please keep an open mind. You’re obviously reading this for whatever reason you decide to use.

1. BELLY FULL AND BALLS EMPTY

There is a saying that the quickest way to a man’s heart is his stomach. This is true, but don’t fatten him up. Guys don’t like to starve. When we starve we can’t think of other things like sports, technology, or imagining you, the significant other, in ways that give us rageboners. Speaking of which, the second part of this rule is self-explanatory.

2. LADY IN THE STREETS BUT A FREAK IN THE SHEETS

Believe it or not, true gentlemen do NOT like sluts! The problem with being a slut is that, although they can be pretty freaky in bed, a guy wants to know that a girl is his freak and his alone. Guys want to know that a girl will do certain things for them and only them.

3. ELEVATE YOURSELF AMONG WOMEN

So, yes, ladies. It is in a guy’s nature to look at other women. Blame evolution, or the lack of, depending on your point of view. There is ONE key element that keeps men faithful. Trust me on this one, if you think the rest of this article is hooey. You must elevate yourself to a point where other women cannot compare to you in your man’s eyes. Now, I do NOT mean that you have to have the model looks or brains of an astrophysicist. What I’m saying is that you need qualities that your man would look for in a best friend. Are you his best friend? That is a quality not every woman can possess. To a man, although it’s a little ”straight forward”, all women have p***ies. They may come in all shapes and sizes, but in the end it’s a p****, so how do you stand out? Men take pride in having something or someone that none of his other buddies can get. Is that you?

4. THERE CAN BE NO QUEEN WITHOUT A KING: PARTNERSHIPS

Women want to be treated like royalty, or at the very least, respected. Rightly so, and rightly deserved   On the same token, men do not want to feel like a peasant in a relationship. When there is mutual respect, everyone should feel like royalty. So, this is what I mean by ”no queen without a king”. Equal partners, and it really is that simple!

5. DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR MAN

He may piss you off. He may do things that make your blood boil, but do NOT talk shit to his face or behind his back. Guys, this is a mutual vice versa rule. If there are issues to be discussed, discuss the issues and keep it focused. On a side note, there is almost nothing that pissess off a man more than having past arguments resurface on completely unrelated grounds. Also, ladies, when you bring up unrelated issues, it makes your original argument seem weaker… at least in the eyes of a man.

IT’S REALLY THAT SIMPLE

Love me, hate me, agree to disagree, but in the end this is how I see it. I’m dating someone who comes once in a lifetime, and I call her my best friend. You read this article for a reason. Let that reason be rhetorical, but thanks for reading!

Wouldn’t it be f****ed up if I wrote this post to troll for internet presence? Too late! Donate