Dec 04

MasterChen’s Top 7 Trolling Targets

New to the trolling game? Bored? No matter how many times we warn everyone “Do not feed the trolls”, the following groups never listen.


7. Religious Folk

First up on our list of low-lying fruit of trolling targets, we have the religious enthusiasts. I am not speaking of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, et cetera specifically. I am talking about ALL religions. Simply, take the opposing view of the target’s faith and watch heads explode as they try to defend their perspective.

6. Non-Religious Folk

Now, atheists, before you all start giggling like little Catholic schoolgirls, let me note here that you all are just as bad as your religious opposites. Don’t believe me? All I have to say is something like “the universe is only 10,000 years old” or “evolution is just a theory” and you start popping off at the mouth or keyboard about science science science for the next few hours. Science is your religion, which makes you just as easy of a target.

5. Drama Queens

This category can be tied in to “Vaguebookers” further down the list, but Drama Queens are a much broader scale that encompasses more than just Facebook. Drama Queens, by the way, may include men as well, so don’t let the title fool you. The easiest way to troll a Queen is to commiserate with whatever social emergency there may be and help them further their unstable nature. The trick here though is to make them believe you feel their pain, and but to the rest of the viewers, your trolling efforts are transparent. Be careful not to actually get sucked into the drama. It’s hazardous to your health.

4. Political Bloggers

This group usually comes around approximately every two years, at least in the United States, but when they appear, they are relentless with their efforts in making everyone agree with their ideas. Solution? No matter what your political affiliation may be, always take the opposing side of the political blogger. Always bring up the other side of the coin. It must be done intelligently or you end up looking like a fool.

3. The Superstitious

Sports fans, psychic bookstore shoppers, you name it. The Superstitious ones allow themselves to be controlled by their unfounded beliefs. Con(troll) the the superstition to troll the superstitious. Do the sports fan and the people around them a favor and wash that lucky underwear. Drop some salt after handing them an open umbrella from under a ladder. Physical trolling is just as lulzy.

2. Vaguebookers

“I just don’t know… ”

“To go with this decision or not…”

“I can’t believe they would do that to me!!! ”

Do these quotes sound familiar? If you’re like most people, your facebook news feed is riddled with posts like this from your friends, acquaintances, and fake profiles you’ve accepted so people can spy on you.

It’s been termed “vaguebooking” and while it leaves most onlookers with a face that screams W. T. F.
it leaves the trolling door wide open. To troll this target, like their status and comment on how you completely agree and know how they feel. Elaborate on how this one time you were tying your shoe and some dog used you as a pissing post. After all, Vaguebookers are vague to leave you with the opportunity to show how much you care or to fill in the blanks. I prefer the latter.

1. Your Children

Now this one might make you think I’m an asshole, but before you bust out your own “children are the future speech”, hear me out. Don’t you remember when your parents told you that if you keep making that face, it would get stuck that way? Or that lightning was just God taking pictures, so you would smile out of the car window for several minutes? I couldn’t have been the only one. For this target, be creative not cruel, but they are a target nonetheless.

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